Fetishizing the Concept of "Hockey Player" Does Not Make a Book Hockey Smut. There Has to Actually BE Hockey In It!

Yes, I am also STILL slogging through A Court of Silver Flames! Not right this second, though, because my Heated Rivalry audiobook just came in...

Mister Hockey by Lia Riley
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

If it’s supposed to be hockey smut, then why is there no hockey?

Like, yes, there *is* a hockey player in the book, but 1) he not only never plays hockey in the book, but he also never so much as puts on his uniform or steps out onto the ice, and 2) he’s pretty much already decided to retire by the time the book opens, so is he even really a hockey player in the official professional sense? That present tense is barely hanging in there!

Without any actual hockey, the book instead becomes smut that revolves around the simple fetishization of “hockey player” as object, which is fine but not what I thought I was going to be reading. Jed doesn’t do anything particularly hockey-forward, so he’s basically just embodying the concept of hockey player in this book. There was a second, when we learn that Breezy hid all her Jed merch before she let him in the door so he wouldn’t find out she was a superfan of him in particular, that I thought this idea of fetishizing the concept of hockey player would be an important topic in the book, perhaps one that the book ends up speaking to and complicating and making us think about what it is to both love hockey and to enact a fandom that makes sexy CapCuts of players and calls going to games “visiting the boy aquarium.” But no. Breezy doesn’t really spend any time thinking about the man vs. the myth and what it means to love one vs. the other, other than to mention in passing that this was easily resolved (in the right direction, of course!), and even when her previous lack of full disclosure causes her to be the one that Jed accuses of selling his private information to reporters, it’s not really about that, as Jed himself later said, and it’s solved with basically zero effort on either side.

@gasquatchmama Ladies, I think they're on to us...it's quite a show. #hockey #hockeywarmups #stretching #hockeystretches #fatherfigure ♬ Father Figure - George Michael

Or rather, Breezy puts forth a LOT of effort, but for some reason Riley decides to make Breezy’s actions irrelevant to the solution? And also, that podcast confession is the cringiest thing a romance character could possibly do, and if someone did that to me, I don’t care how blameless they were for whatever I’d accused them of, I’d never speak to them again. I’d burn their face out of photos and try to forget they’d ever existed, solely for my own sanity. Honestly, I might have to murder them and then invent time travel and go back in time and murder all their grandparents just to make sure I’d erased their entire timeline.

I do like that both Breezy and Jed are portrayed as kind of stupid, making basic jokes and inane puns and bad decisions and rolling way too hard on commitment without letting nearly enough time pass. There’s a lid for every pot! The strongest part of the book was their meet-cute through their first sex scene, when I could pretend that the stupid things they said or thought were just because of nerves and their awkward chemistry could be read as adorable rather than off-putting. It was only after that when I looked at my hoopla app, saw I was something like 70% through the entire book, and went, “Uh, oh…” There was plenty to flesh out to make the book longer, resolve some of these issues, and basically just carry its weight. The conflict with Breezy’s mom was just abandoned with an unrealistic insta-fix, the same with the mean library director but in the other direction, Jed’s brother remained mostly off-screen, and, oh, right… NOBODY PLAYED HOCKEY!!!

@more_than_parents Boy aquarium anyone? 🤣#boyaquarium #hockey #hockeyromance ♬ Pony - Ginuwine

I did appreciate the attention paid to the issue of concussions in sports, because as a fan of hockey I’m very concerned that the players stay safe (and I wish they’d wear their neck guards!), but I did NOT appreciate the way that the wider impact of Jed’s brother’s concussion injury is portrayed. Jed announces that he’s solved the problem of his SIL trying to sell his private information by… paying off her house? I get that money does solve problems, but not ONLY money! Can you not, like, talk to the SIL about, you know, your feelings and her feelings and your boundaries and what she needs for her family to thrive economically and emotionally and maybe have some therapy and commit to spending more time together so she’s not isolated and offer to take your nephews for a few weeks so they can have quality time with a male role model? No? Just… money? Okay…

Oh, and I'm not buying for a second that an independent bookstore focusing solely on children's titles is going to thrive in this day and age. Sorry, Breezy, but you're about to have a hobby business propped up by your boyfriend's professional hockey money.

P.S. View all my reviews 

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Check out My DIY Flyers Logo Hoodie

 IT IS SO GREAT, RIGHT?!?

Remember a couple of months ago when I went to a Philadelphia Flyers game and sulked because the merch was too expensive and vowed to violate their intellectual property rights and make my OWN Flyers merch for myself, thank you very much?

Well, I achieved my dream, and it turned out awesome!

The key to the entire enterprise is the Cricut that my partner surprised me with on Christmas. I still need his help with the graphic design, because it works best if you do your templates in another (*cough, cough* better *cough*) graphic design program and save them as svg files to just export into the Cricut Design Space program, but once you've got that, everything else is a dream:

Honestly, my partner's inspiration for this gift was probably watching me, starting this time last year, hand cut a billion applique pieces for the eclipse buntings that I sold the snot out of last year (I miss you, total solar eclipse!). Because the Cricut cuts fabric, even fiddly little shapes, and it cuts it perfectly, just as smooth as butter:

There were a couple of bits in those tight turns where it didn't quite get the full curve, but it was easy to snip:

After that, I just had to baste everything down with fusible webbing and applique it on!

I appliqued it to a Goodwill hoodie, and it's my newest favorite thing:

I keep waiting for strangers to admire it, but 1) I don't go anywhere, 2) I try not to talk to people when I DO go places, and 3) you probably can't actually figure out that it's homemade unless I tell you, which I won't because see 2).

It was such a success, however, that even though I don't yet have another Goodwill hoodie to place it on, I'm already working on version #2, the Flyers Pride logo:

And then I might see which of my favorite teams end up in the Stanley Cup playoffs and make them my next DIY logo. The Stars are playing so well this season, so fingers crossed!

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Rainbows and Red Wings: I Went To a Philadelphia Flyers Game on Pride Night!

I guess that going to NHL games has become one of my empty-nest hobbies, since I went to my very first game the day after I dropped my very first kid off at college for the very first time. It's a way more fun pastime than the mid-life crisis I'm currently working on ramping up!

Is it coincidence that both of my children just happened to enroll in colleges next door to NHL franchises that I really like? Honestly, yes, but the drop-off after Winter Break always feels even sadder to me than the Fall Semester drop-off, and there is nothing better to cheer one up after sadly dropping their beloved baby off at school than a long ride on the Septa, a long walk through the frozen parking lot, and this on the horizon:

Lol at the ubiquitous flattened Girl Scout cookie box. I don't know whose troop had the genuinely brilliant idea to sell Girl Scout cookies in the arena parking lot, but you are supposed to take all your trash with you when you leave, ahem:

Okay, and what's the only thing that could be even better than going to a regular NHL game? Going to an NHL game on Pride Night!

The NHL, like most (all?) male sports leagues, has a homophobia problem that's absolutely disgusting, so it's extra exciting when I can be part of an overtly queer-welcoming event. Because dude. Bisexual women in long-term heterosexual relationships also appreciate representation! The Flyers team also includes one of the most committed advocates for queer representation in hockey, #21 Scott Laughton. Also, here's their TikTok:

So overall, it was just really nice to be there on Pride Night and feel like (hope that?) for the Flyers, at least, Pride Night is more than just set dressing.

I'm sorry to say, though, that although the Flyers Pride logo is cool as hell, the vinyl on the shirts felt really cheap, so I didn't spend my mortgage on any merch. Don't tell their intellectual property lawyers, but a couple of days ago I used Photoshop to break the Flyers logo into layers that I can cut with my Cricut and I'm going to piece and quilt my own Pride logo Flyers sweatshirt, ahem.

Now, you guys. What's the only thing could possibly be even better than going to a real NHL game on Pride Night?

Well, when I was shopping for Flyers tickets, I found a couple of resale tickets for a crazy good price, considering that they were second row center ice just behind the away team penalty box. The caption also said that the tickets included access to something called the SHIFT4 Club, which omg you guys. It turns out I bought resale tickets from a season tickets holder, and the tickets included access to a VIP club with all-inclusive food and drinks:

I literally researched to find the exact time that doors opened for this club (90 minutes before the game), and my partner and I got there when it opened, and then we FEASTED!

I am eating proletariat food in the photo above, but my partner had a full-on steak with mashed potatoes and asparagus.

They even had boxes of popcorn ready to take back to your seats, which we balanced with two hard ciders, two hot dogs, a tray of French fries, and an order of chicken strips while we made our way down to the best seats I may ever have at an NHL game:

I mean, you guys. How good are these seats?!?

Happy Pride, indeed!

Also, Gritty!!!!!!!

I was too busy enjoying myself to take a ton of photos, but it was a good game! 

Not super high scoring, and the Red Wings didn't play nearly as aggressively as I'd expected them to, but Philadelphia played nice and fast around them.

And we even made it on the TV! Kind of...

I think it counts, lol. I've got my orange hat on and everything!

And during the intermissions, we ran back to the VIP club for more snacks...

...and then juggled all our new snacks back to our seats to watch more hockey:

The Red Wings played a shockingly clean game (ahem), so I only got to enjoy a visitor to the penalty box once:

And then when Larkin was in the penalty box, I was equally shocked to hear all the horrific slurs the Flyers fans around me were screaming at him the whole time. Philly sports fans are a WHOLE MOOD, y'all.

Another thrilling first? My first overtime! The Flyers scored just a few seconds into the first overtime, though, and then, glory of glories, the victory cuddle pile happened to take place right in front of my seat:

Lol at the dude having to physically hold the door to the penalty box closed so the players don't crash through it and all fall on the floor:

It was such a good game! I can't wait to go to another Flyers game after another school drop-off, this time wearing my homemade quilted Pride logo sweatshirt.

Also, my partner literally pulled a chicken strip out of his coat pocket to eat on the walk back to the hotel.

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Kid-Free in New York City: Day 1

Back in late 2021, the whole family took a super quick trip to New York City right before Christmas. I was feeling my post-pandemic oats and I could not wait another minute to finally see Hadestown on Broadway!

In retrospect, I really should have waited another three or four months, because our trip coincided with a COVID surge in New York City and a lot of the stuff that we'd wanted to do got canceled--including Hadestown, sob. 

Over the next couple of years, I often thought about trying to schedule another quick trip to see the show, but I just never did it. And then for Christmas last year, my partner did it for me!

So just a few weeks after dropping our older kid back at college for the semester, my partner and I left our younger kid home alone to chug along with her school and ballet and take care of the pets, and he and I flew to New York City, just the two of us, for a two-day adventure.

Here's me trying to figure out how to get from Newark to our hotel:

But here's what I consider my REAL first thing in New York City:

My egg, cheese, and pastrami breakfast sandwich is on the poppyseediest poppyseed bagel I have ever seen!

Fun fact: my partner ordered bagels from bagel shops twice during our two-day trip. Neither time did he check the bag. BOTH times he got shorted by one bagel!

New York City has some hard lessons to teach...

We stayed at 3 West Club and were quite comfortable there, with nearly everything that we wanted to do within walking distance. There was kind of some weird decor, though, and when I Googled to figure out what on earth... yeah, the place is apparently run by the Women's National Republican Club, oops. Guess that explains all the Teddy Roosevelt paintings and elephant statuary!

Anyway, we were really only there to sleep. The rest of the time, we were out here!

My partner thought the Museum of Illusions looked interesting, so we did that first. 

It WAS very interesting, but maybe not $23 a person interesting... or that may just be my New York City sticker shock in general? 

Regardless, it was fun to see all the cool visual effects and take photos of ourselves looking like one of us is really tiny while the other is really short or like we're hanging from the ceiling or standing at an impossible angle, etc. 

Someone who actually knows how to work their camera phone would have done better, because I was fighting for my life trying to figure out how to take selfie videos or use the self-timer or not have fourteen chins.

I think this illusion is the coolest, but my teenager says she can't see it! Can YOU see the dots undulating in a wave-like motion?

If I ever go back, it will be well-researched and with a shot list in hand!

I'd wanted to do Chelsea Market and the High Line the last time we were in New York City but the weather never seemed right for it. This time, though, the weather was wonderful, AND we were just a few blocks away!

I had to looky-loo at every single food stall and menu board, but all we actually bought to eat were these delicious mini doughnuts:

Then, to the High Line!

While we were on the High Line we saw Little Island and decided that what we ACTUALLY wanted to do was go there.

So we did!

There are some really lovely vistas of Lower Manhattan and the Hudson River from the upper levels, including a tiny Statue of Liberty super far away. 

For most of the afternoon, we just wandered--

--detoured back to Chelsea Market for a proper lunch--

--wandered some more--

--and then got completely lost in Penn Station. Fortunately as we were wandering determinedly in what turned out to be the absolutely wrong direction, I saw two people in Rangers jerseys walking the way we'd just come from. So obviously we let them go by, did an about face, and followed them straight to Madison Square Garden.

How is this for happy coincidences? Before we scanned our tickets, I spent ages in the gift shop mooning over the New York Rangers knit hats. I really wanted this one, but I would have taken any of them, but mostly I didn't want to pay what they were charging for anything so I left empty-handed. 

New. York. City. PRICES!!!

So imagine my hysterical excitement (or do not, because it was A Lot) when we finally scanned our tickets, and just on the other side was a guy handing out free New York Rangers knit hats!

It's itchy as hell and I do not care. I love it!

You know you've got great seats when you take every escalator that exists, then finally emerge into the arena, show the usher your seat number, and he points up and says, "Last row." Lol! Who doesn't love a bird's-eye view!

Somewhere around here in between plays the DJ played "Suffragette City" so I texted my teenager a video--David Bowie is her favorite!

The Rangers weren't playing very aggressively that night--in fact, they spent most of the game just sort of skating leisurely around the rink, handing the puck over to Calgary whenever they got tired of passing it back and forth--but Calgary seemed fine with it enough to let them score twice, so we got to watch the Rangers win in their home arena!

Afterwards, I wasn't up for the bar hopping or clubbing or M&M store shopping or whatever on earth the other billion people out in the streets were doing at 10:30 pm, but happily our walk home led us through Times Square, so we got to sneak in a little more sightseeing:

Then it was back to our Republican stronghold for pizza and Princess Bride on cable.

Tomorrow: HADESTOWN!!!!!!!

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