20 Hours in Ohio, and Free Doughnuts are a Lie

You do not have to work hard to convince me to take a trip with you, ESPECIALLY if you tell me that I can pick some of the stops.

So when the younger kid came to me with the information that the lead singer from her favorite band was going to be playing a concert in Columbus, Ohio--

--and she suggested that if we went, maybe I'd like to also do a little sightseeing along the way, she basically barely had time to put a period at the end of her sentence before I had concert tickets in my online shopping cart. 

And a couple of weeks later, there we were at this bar in Ohio!

Do you guys like to stand as close as possible at concerts, or are you calm and happy to stand at the back? I'm short, and I like to stand in the front so I can see, although a lifetime of this has definitely contributed to my current hearing loss and the front of the crowd, pressed against the stage, is the last place I'll want to be when the inevitable zombie apocalypse hits. Oh, well. I wasn't planning on surviving the zombie apocalypse, anyway...

Although Jake Ewald didn't play all the Slaughter Beach, Dog deep cuts that the kid had been hoping for, he did play one of their biggest hits, "Summer Windows"--

--so my own personal basic bitch self was satisfied:

I didn't know Ladybird before the concert, but this is my favorite song of theirs now:

The next morning, I picked our breakfast spot solely because of this TripAdvisor review that lauded the complementary DIY coffee bar and complementary serve-yourself doughnuts:



The DIY coffee bar was as indicated and was awesome, but y'all, the complementary serve-yourself doughnuts was a LIE!!!!! They did indeed have serve-yourself doughnuts, but you for sure had to pay for them. 

I think that TripAdvisor reviewer accidentally stole herself some doughnuts...

Ah, well. My doughnut-less but very en-coffeed breakfast was delicious:

Afterwards, I managed to snooker us into not one, but TWO sightseeing stops!

Obviously, if you're going to Ohio, you HAVE to visit an ancient Native American mound:

Shrum Mound is said to be an Adena burial mound--

--but as far as I can tell, it's never been excavated or even really researched, so I'm not sure how accurate that identification is. It's right next to a quarry, across the street from a housing development, and next door to another house, though, so probably its biggest claim to fame is that it wasn't destroyed the same way that whatever other earthworks were surely around it must have been. For example, there used to be a mound twice as tall at the intersection of Mound and High streets, but it was destroyed in the 1830s.

Here it is with me for scale!

Since it's roughly on our way home, I was also able to convince everyone to detour over to the Charles Young Buffalo Soldiers National Monument:

The kids and I have been here before, but didn't realize until we got there that back then it was open "by appointment only," so this is the first time I've stepped foot inside!

There weren't a lot of artifacts inside, but the signage was VERY informative. I didn't even realize until this moment that I didn't actually know what a buffalo soldier was!

Charles Young's story is very interesting, and I'd love to read a more substantive biography of him. Apparently, his whole life, during his education and his career, he suffered from systematic, institutionalized racism, and he just... persisted!

He did incredibly well for himself, and worked consistently to lift others up with him, but who knows what he could have accomplished if he hadn't been beaten down at every opportunity?

Racism is so depressing. Let's eat an apple fritter about it:

Will we be able to complete the Butler County Donut Trail in a timely fashion, considering that most of our trips to Ohio are for college drop-offs and pick-ups? 

I don't know, but I'm fully prepared to get diabetes trying!

P.S. Want more obsessively-compiled lists of travel spots and activities around the Midwest and the world? Check out my Craft Knife Facebook page!

If You're Afraid of Heights You'll Hate the Grand Canyon

I'm not afraid of heights. The kid is not afraid of heights, as you well know. I'll leave it to your brilliant minds, then, to dial down to who among us had a medium-ish panic attack on the rim of the Grand Canyon in the middle of nowhere, scared the absolute snot out of the rest of us, and will never be visiting the Grand Canyon again if I, at least, have anything to do with it. 

Anyway, that mystery, unnamed, soon to traumatize themselves and us individual was still sound asleep early on this morning when I pulled a sweatshirt over my pajamas, stepped barefoot into my sneakers, walked out the door of my cabin, turned right, and found myself on the edge of the Grand Canyon just before sunrise:

In this pre-dawn hour, the fire at the North Rim was very visible:

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, and after a couple of texts back and forth, the kid also padded out in her pajamas to join me and a few other early-morning souls for sunrise over the Grand Canyon:

I for sure almost missed it behind that ledge to the right. I scooted over a few feet just in time!

The smoke in the canyon was still visible on this morning, but it didn't look like it was filling the entire canyon like it had the day before--at least not yet:

After the sun was fully up, the kid and I sneaked back into our cabin to silently change into our proper clothes and pack everything up--funny how we can make that much of a mess in one night!--and then we brought our peanut butter sandwiches, chips, and cans of coffee outside to have breakfast with this beautiful fellow:

Has anyone ever eaten a peanut butter sandwich in a more beautiful spot?

If you look, you'll be able to see the North Rim wildfire in every photo I take of the Grand Canyon. Here was the fire forecast for the day we visited. There were also several local news teams whose base camp seemed to be the Bright Angel Lodge parking lot, who seemed to be constantly busy filming various reports every time we walked past. The night before, I'd even snarked on a random guy sitting on the wall of the canyon rim, working on his laptop instead of taking in the beautiful view. Why would you go to the trouble of going to the Grand Canyon just to sit in front of it and work, I bitched to my family. Answer: if you're part of the Arizona Channel 5 Storm Team and you've got a report to file!

After breakfast, the kid and I figured out the shuttle system, then took the scenic route via shuttle to the visitor center. I was underwhelmed by the displays, which were good for what you got but I just thought there would be more of them--

--but you know how I feel about a national park passport stamp! This is my first for Arizona!

By the time the kid and I had finished the museum and watched the film, my partner was up and about, and he loaded the car, checked out of Bright Angel Lodge, and took his own scenic shuttle trip to meet up with us so we could continue our shuttle tour of the South Rim.

The trail visible in the photo below is as far as you could travel Bright Angel Trail on this day. The bottom of the canyon was closed to everyone but river rafting groups, and the South Kaibab Trail was closed entirely:

Y'all, I have the gnarliest tan lines on my forehead, because I spent all summer outside with my hat on like this where it did essentially no good at all. Although I guess the top of my head and the back of my neck stayed nice and sun-free?

The Grand Canyon is the best national park for transportation, because all you have to do is park in one of their big parking lots, and shuttles will take you to every single beautiful viewpoint along the South Rim. 

There are also a couple of extra museums to visit along the route. 

The Yavapai Geology Museum is small but very good.

Way back in 2010, I took this picture of my four- and six-year-olds:

Here's me and that once upon a time six-year-old, now two days from her 21st birthday, at the same spot:

It's not close to the edge at all. It's one of my favorite photo spots at the Grand Canyon because it just LOOKS like it's close to the edge!

Another photo of a little girl long ago:

And here she is today:

The kid and I had a lot of fun trying to pick out the Colorado River from our various viewing spots:

I had to use my zoom lens on this one so it's pretty grainy, but how cool is it that you can see this footbridge across the Colorado all the way from the top of the canyon?

The kid and I were freaking out with excitement over this bird that was riding the wind all around over the canyon at this stop. We'd just been to the San Diego Zoo the previous month and had our environmentalist spirits re-radicalized over the story of the California condor, and we were CONVINCED that this was one of them:

I'm sorry to say, though, that this is definitely a turkey vulture. It's evident in the y-shape of the wings and when I overexpose the photo, you can see the turkey vulture's wing coloration.

Oh, well. Wildlife is wildlife!

Here we are confidently and excitedly observing our California condor:

Again, we're not even close to the actual rim. I took my reading of Death in Grand Canyon very seriously!

We'll skip past any and all panic attacks and/or apocalyptic nosebleeds suffered by anyone in our party on this adventure, and frankly I wouldn't mind having them deleted out of my mind entirely because Jesus Christ that freaked me the fuck out--I was half-convinced I was actually dealing with a heart attack, but I didn't have cell service to Google if an apocalyptic nosebleed is a heart attack symptom--and skip straight on down to the last stop on the South Rim shuttle, Hermit's Rest:

The big claim to fame for Hermit's Rest is that there's a small gift shop and cafe there where you can buy popsicles:

Another nice thing about the shuttle is that although it makes a billion stops at scenic sites on the way out to Hermit's Rest, on the way back it only makes a couple, so it's a very convenient way to get back to one's car. 

Back at the car, we cleaned up, made some more peanut butter sandwiches, and hit the road back to Las Vegas. Four hours later, we were checking into the Venetian, with a room that, in my opinion, has the best view on the Strip:

The next three days will be filled with spectacle and delicious food and poolside lounge chairs and all the ridiculousness that Vegas has to offer!

Here's the rest of our trip!

• Day 1: Omega Mart and Driving to the Grand Canyon
• Day 2: Grand Canyon National Park
• Day 3: Vegas Strip, The Sphere, and the Lake of Dreams
• Day 4: Wynn Buffet, Caesar's Palace, Bellagio Fountains, and Cirque du Soleil
• Day 5: Walking Tour of the Strip and a Red-Eye Home!

P.S. Want to know more about my adventures in life, and my looming mid-life crisis? Check out my Craft Knife Facebook page!