Saturday, December 29, 2018

Our Favorite Books of 2018

Around the middle of March, I started a project that I've had in the back of my mind for decades:

I began to record every book I read.

I've done this off and on (I still have a Goodreads account to prove it!), but no method ever stuck. And even this time, I tried a couple of different ways to record my reading before I came to the one that I like. I really wanted to make a cutest bullet journal-style artistic layout, but I'm not actually, you know, artistic, so the first one that I tried looked like crap.

Eventually, I taught myself how to make my books look a tiny bit more bookish, and now I'm happy, and I have a list of 58 books that I've read between March 13 and today.

Yay!

As a lover of books, something as simple as just writing down the title and author of every book I complete (I don't include the books that I drop before finishing, and I only write down comics if I've read a whole volume) is a game changer. All I have to do is look through the list, and it's easy to recall plots and settings and the details that make each book what it is. I can give people book recommendations now!

I can make a list like this!

I fully plan to require the kids to somehow record the books that they read in 2019, although I don't have any idea how I'm going to do this. They'll both rebel and "forget" and complain and refuse, and I'll go nuts in my mind knowing all the ones they're undoubtedly skipping. We'll figure it out, though, because it's so worth it. Too bad that I didn't do it this year, though--I'm confident that Will has read hundreds of books this year (if you doubt that number, it's just because you don't know this kid), and Syd has listened to perhaps as many audiobooks.

Don't bother wondering what my life is like with one kid constantly reading the book in her face, and the other kid constantly listening to the audiobook in her headphones. It's generally very quiet.


SYDNEY


Syd still reads kid books, but she made a decisive move into YA novels this year, too. She listened to almost all of John Green's books, although she admitted that she didn't really understand Turtles All the Way Down. She LOVED The Fault in Our Stars, though.

I mean, of course!

Unlike Will, Syd is happy to reread her favorite books. She still listens to Wonder every now and then, and all the Rick Riordans, although she's more into The Mark of Apollo books than the Lightning Thief ones these days. This year, Syd also loved the Spirit Animals series enough that she dressed as a Green Cloak for Halloween. 

I let Syd listen to The Hunger Games, and she cried so hard when Rue died that I let her listen to Catching Fire, even though I was worried it would be too scary. She was so worried about Peeta after that book ended that I let her listen to Mockingjay. Even Will hasn't read the Hunger Games trilogy (although I LOOOOOOVE it), because she's worried it will be too scary, the chicken.

This book actually started out as a pick from the MENSA For Kids reading list, part of a book report assignment. But as I'd hoped when I gave the assignment, Syd LOVED this book. Of course she did. Have you re-read it recently? It's beautiful, and sad, and doesn't gloss over or try to explain the hardest mysteries of our burdens in life. It also has a fox, which is currently Syd's favorite animal, and it speaks to the intense relationship that one has with one's pet. Syd, who intensely loves and is loved by a certain grey tabby cat, understood what the book was saying about what it is to love an animal.

Syd isn't quite as obsessed with Garfield these days, but she still reads Foxtrot over and over, and her shining moment in the sun was the day that she met Bill Amend, himself, and bought a signed print from him. Her grandparents gave her this boxed set for Christmas this year, and since then, I think she's read through the whole thing at least twice.

WILLOW


In some ways, it's easier to figure out what Will's favorite books of the year were, because they're piled all over our library bookshelf (yes, we have three entire shelves of a giant bookshelf devoted only to library books--that's how bad our habit is!), but in other ways, it's nearly impossible because she doesn't keep track of them, and reads so many that she can hardly recall them when asked for favorites.

Here's what she admitted when I pinned her down, though, although don't expect any summarizing or opinions. Apparently we're not conversing with mothers this morning...


Will didn't mention this book as one of her favorites, but she couldn't stop talking about it after she read it for a book report assignment. She had a LOT to say about Scout's naivety, and it inspired lots and lots of discussions about civil rights and racial bias, particularly in the southern states.

I can tell you the books that Will has recommended to me and that I always loved, too:



This book is so good! Will read it on a road trip and then handed to me to read on the same trip, so that every five pages or so I could pester her with my theories and predictions and beg her to tell me if I was right or not. She never would, though, because she has a strong moral tone when it comes to book plots.

I'd read the first book in this series, So You Want To Be a Wizard, years ago, back when I was taking a children's literature class in grad school for my MLS and had to complete an annotated reading log. I remember loving it, but I didn't research it further, and so didn't realize that there's an entire series! Will, however, loves all things fantasy, and so she reintroduced me to the Young Wizards this year, and patiently fielded all of my guesses and questions and excited discussions, and now it's something that we love together.

Here's another book series that Will recommended to me, recently enough that I've only read the first two books, although I'm super excited because there are so many more! Will would hardly turn down the chance to read any book about dragons, but this series, she agrees, is something special. The way that Temeraire and his captain speak to each other is tender and sweet, the type of courtesy born of true love, and it colors all of the books with its gentle affection, giving emotional impact even to hard-boiled battle scenes.

This recommendation is recent enough that all the volumes are still on hold for me at the library, waiting for our next trip. Will tells me, though, that it's a terrific series, and combines Girl Scouts, one of my favorite things, with fantasy adventure elements--my other favorite thing!

ME



The first few books of this series are made of magic. Anne is one of the most endearing characters in all of literature--flawed, to be sure, or otherwise you wouldn't love her, but so sweet and hopeful and brave that you can't possibly do anything but adore her. The later books in the series are... well, they don't star Anne, and none of the other characters who are introduced can make up for that. Will happily read the first few books, and then I encouraged her to muscle through the rest just to have a clear view of the series as a whole. Syd listened to the first couple, and I, of course, read them all for the dozenth time this year, getting through at least a couple while on Prince Edward Island itself!

This book is a speculative biography of Nelly Ternan, a Victorian actress and most likely the mistress of Charles Dickens. It's likely that his relationship with Ternan is why he removed his wife from his home and refused to let her have any contact with their children, and she is definitely part, although not all, of the secret to the frenetic pace at which he traveled and spent, and why he seemed to continually lie about his whereabouts. More than that, though, this biography is about a Victorian woman, both subject to and flouting many of those conservative Victorian standards. She was an actress! She was unmarried! She was sexually active! And yet she was just as trapped by the web of these transgressions as she would have been living a completely conventional Victorian life. I admit that I did feel kind of sick about Charles Dickens after I read this, but hey. Celebrities, like anyone, are a lot more complicated than they'd like to appear.

I love the Cormoran Strike books, J.K. Rowling's mystery series. This one might be my favorite, as it ties up a long-running story arc in the series, but they're all fun, contemporary, genre-standard mysteries, far more well-written than you'd expect mystery novels to be.

You guys, I spent a shocking amount of this year obsessed with Floyd Collins. I read about him during our trip to Mammoth Cave National Park, and then couldn't stop thinking about him for a long, long time. This book is quite thorough in telling his story, and also tells about the interesting history of travel and tourism in the years between the world wars. But mostly, it tells the horror story of a man trapped in a small cave, hardly able to be reached, entirely unable to be rescued (or was he?), left alone to die in the cold and dark and wet.

Outsider art is one of my interests, especially genre art. The art constructed as part of Christian-themed pop culture counts as outsider art, mainly because its fan base is more interested in the content than the quality, the theming rather than the technique. I had a lot of fun reading these chapters and then looking up the artists referenced. I listened to a lot of bad music, and it took forever for my recommended YouTube videos feed to recover, but it was worth it to watch an episode of a campy TV show about a Bible-based superhero.

FAMILY



I've mentioned several times that The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy have been our family read-alouds for a long while now. We actually just finished the whole series earlier this autumn! After that, we did A Christmas Carol (we didn't love it a ton, but we did have a lot of fun making fun of it, so there you go), and we're ready to start the Harry Potter series together soon.


I'm already excited by our next year of reading. By this date in 2019, I'll ideally have an exhaustive book list for each kid, as well as me, to peruse through and wax nostalgic about all the happy adventures we've had.

Oh, and if you have any recommended books for us, please let me know in the Comments. We ALWAYS need new things to read!

Friday, December 28, 2018

Parenting Book Review: The Game Theorist's Guide to Parenting


When I mentioned on my Craft Knife Facebook page that I was interested in learning more about parenting seen through the lens of game theory, one of the comments on my post was an impassioned rebuttal of using game theory to parent. The gist of the comment was that one's relationship with one's children should be collaborative, not competitive, and treating parenting as a win-or-lose scenario would be harmful to children.

That comment made me realize that many people don't understand what game theory is, which is a bummer, because game theory is AWESOME and fully relevant to a whole myriad of human interactions.

Game theory is essentially the study of strategic decision-making. So yes, it covers games and how to win them, but it also deals with how to achieve the optimal result whenever strategy is called for. And optimal result doesn't necessarily mean winning--if you want everyone happy, then that's your optimal result. If you want a fair allocation of Christmas presents or parental attention, then that's your optimal result. If you want your kid to grow up to be a good, honest, fair, friendly person, then that's certainly your optimal result!

So when I read The Game Theorist's Guide to Parenting (I had my local university's library inter-library loan it for me!), I wasn't trying to win parenting, but to see if they had any strategies that would, say, get my kids to stop fighting, or help me figure out how to teach my kid who's also a lying liar who lies how to stop lying all the dang time.

There is a chapter on lying. Spoiler alert: there is no quick and easy strategy to get your kid to stop lying, dang it.

There are LOTS of ways, however, to make sure that you're treating kids fairly, and that's actually the part of the book that I enjoyed the most. The authors emphasize that of course fair does not mean equal--if you give your kids equal slices of a half-chocolate, half-vanilla cake, but the kid who only loves chocolate gets vanilla and the kid who only loves vanilla gets chocolate, then that's not fair. So the authors go through tons of different ways to divvy up resources, and you can read through them and utilize whatever appeals to you. Bigger families might like the auction approaches, but I have long been a heavy utilizer of the I Cut, You Choose school of choice-making.

You know that one. Whenever you give your kids or partner a list to choose from, whether it's chores or vacation destinations or movies for Family Movie Night, but you've made the list and so you're cool with everything on it, that's I Cut, You Choose. It's my favorite.

There's also a good chapter on how to best utilize punishments and rewards, if you use them. For one, don't make a punishment that punishes YOU as much as it does the kid--for instance, don't automatically ground your kid from the car if it means that you're just going to have to play chauffeur yourself. Instead, think about what has the most impact from the kid's point of view. If they're misusing the car, then, perhaps they should pay for their own insurance, or gas, or drive Meals on Wheels for a while. That kind of thing.

But even the punishment/reward chapter is more invested in social contracts than purely cause and effect. Like, not how to punish your kid, per se, but how to help her fulfill the social contract that she made to you concerning how she would use the car. The authors claim that pre-committing to the consequences help enforce this. It's why school sports programs have academic requirements, and everybody already knows what will happen if a kid violates them. So the authors encourage bringing another person into your contract: if one kid steals the other kid's water bottle one more time, tell them both that she can also do that kid's dishwasher duty that day. Now you have someone else to help you enforce the contract!

Lying is one of my kid's main faults. She's always been very bright, and very bright kids do have a tendency to become manipulative, or resort to lying, simply because they can often make it work to their advantage. Lying is a hard flaw to correct, and the authors would tend to agree with that, because they don't have any clear-cut solutions. They do, however, have one piece of advice that I've since taken to heart: ask LOTS of questions, and get lots and lots and LOTS of details. The idea is that lying requires mental and emotional labor. You have to think through your lie, and maintain it while knowing that what you're doing is wrong. So in every tempting scenario, ask lots of questions. Solicit LOTS of details. If the kid is telling the truth, then there's no extra mental or emotional labor involved in offering more information. If the kid is lying, then even if you don't catch her in her lie (which I often don't, because like I said, my kid is very bright), then you're still making her work a lot harder than she would be working if she was just telling the truth. Ideally, that labor will eventually become so costly that lying is no longer worth it.

I have been trying this one, and I think it's working. It's best if I do the questioning in ways that don't sound like I'm trying to catch her in a lie, because then she just doubles-down with her stubbornness and she'd die before she let me win when she's being stubborn, but asking lots of questions and eliciting lots of details, as well as having a reputation for checking in and following through (which, by the way, is EXHAUSTING if you think about how much you ask a teen and tween to do independently without you having to check that they've done every single thing), is at least better than screaming and frustration.

Why is my kid so feral? Sigh...

Other chapters, such as how to help your kids learn to get along, or how to encourage them to do their best in school, weren't as relevant to me, and I fully admit that the voting chapter got a little over my head, but overall, I highly recommend this book, most particularly if you, like me, seem to have at least one budding little manipulative game theorist of your own.

Friday, December 21, 2018

The Best Gifts for Nerdy Tween and Teen Girls

That just kind of says what it is, right? I mean, my girls are a tween and a teen, and they're pretty nerdy. They come by it honestly, at least. They're also TERRIBLE to shop for, with neither of them giving me ANY ideas for Christmas this year. That's so unhelpful that it's almost mean!

They do like some stuff, though, so if you, too, have a situation in which you, too, have a nerdy tween or teen girl and no idea what stuff they might like, here's a list of my kids' favorite stuff. Feel free to try some of this out on your own little nerd!

ComicBoxer Subscription and/or ComiXology Unlimited


You know that comics and graphic novels are the traditional havens for the nerdy tween/teen. Our whole family loves comics, and we read them often. One year I bought Matt a subscription to ComicBoxer, and the whole family got really into it, sitting around and watching him unbox each package when it came, hanging out the whole evening after and passing around everything that came in it, then waiting impatiently for new issues of our favorites to come out at the local comic shop or the collections to make it to our library.

ComiXology Unlimited is even better for the avid reader, because you've got at your fingertips access to a huge collection of comics, some complete sets and some ones that get you hooked on the series. The girls' uncle bought this for Will one birthday, and we haven't been able to do without it since.

Fair warning: comics are written for all maturity levels, and both of these services have comics that you might not want your kid to read.

Indie Comic Strip Prints

Along the same lines, but more directly supporting a real, live artist, there are SO many awesome comic makers out there who shill their own work by producing high-quality, signed prints. If your tween or teen is into anyone in particular, they will, I guarantee, LOVE a signed print of their own. I own several prints and collections created by Emily's Cartoons (she does My Life as a Background Slytherin), Syd treasures her signed Bill Amend print--


--and Will, too, follows a ridiculous number of science- and nerd-themed web comics.

Crocanana


Your kid probably doesn't want a boring old teddy bear. We first saw the Crocanana at a Comic Con, and both of my kids are OBSESSED with them. I don't pretend to understand the appeal--I think it's something that speaks uniquely to the tween and teen mindset--but hey, they're a small business that markets mostly at comic-cons. What's not to love about that?

Hatching Dragon Candle


You can also find a hatching dinosaur candle or a hatching unicorn candle, so there's one for everyone! I bought Will this hatching dragon candle for Christmas last year, and our whole family thinks that it's just about the most stinking cute thing ever. Will won't really burn it down to reveal the whole dragon, as a matter of fact, because she likes the look of the egg candle too much!

The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings Book Series



Start with The Hobbit, go all the way through the Lord of the Rings, and don't watch the movie until you've read the book! This series was our family read-aloud for years, and we just finished the final chapter of the final volume earlier this autumn. Tolkien's world is gorgeous and immersive, and while most kids have read a Harry Potter or two, if you're lucky YOU could be the one to introduce a kid to this, their other future great love in literature.

Lava Lamp


This is pretty old-school, but if you've got a kid who's not into whatever the trendiest thing is, then it's likely that they'll appreciate some old-school entertainment. Lava lamps are inexpensive and tend to be super sturdy; our family is still regularly using the one that I received as a present back when I was a teen, myself.

Not to mention: this thing is soothing as hell, and tweens and teens these days need all the anxiety relief that they can get!

Miniature Classic Nintendo


I don't normally do electronics as gifts for my kids, but this is another old-school classic that's worth the exception. Matt actually gave this to me for Mother's Day this year, because he knows me completely, and the kids have been super into playing with me. It's nice because video games are so complicated these days that this is just about the only kind that I can manage to navigate to play with the kids, and there's nothing that kids like better, even kids at the ripe old ages of 12 and 14, than to play with their parents!

Novelty Ear Headphones


This won't fit in with every little nerd's favorite interest, but if it works, then it really works! I mean, everybody needs headphones, so it's a practical gift, but headphones with cat ears or a unicorn horn, or earbuds with elf ears attached, are a pretty epic score for those who are way into fantasy.

Here, look at this:

That's my kid listening to an audiobook on her light-up cat ear headphones, while making an elaborate string art portrait of a unicorn. That's what I'm talking about.

Quirkle


We've loved this game since the kids were small, and we still love it--it's a family game night favorite. The idea is to make sets of shapes, and there's a lot of great strategy involved. It's especially nice because our visual thinker is naturally good at this game, while her usually more logic-minded sister has to work hard to keep up. Fun fact: we have NEVER kept score during this game, nor have the kids ever asked to. We try our best, of course, but when we're finished, we generally just admire the pretty patterns that we've made and then pick them up to play again.

Sculpey Polymer Clay



Like Perler beads (which aren't on my list this year, but are nevertheless hard favorites with my kids), Sculpey is a great nerdy gift not because of what it is, but because of what you can DO with it. I buy this specific set over and over again, and over the years, we've collected a few special tools and I sometimes stock up on larger packages of colors, but this set is the kids' favorite. Sculpey is dead simple to work with, and there are so many step-by-step tutorials to make everything under the sun on YouTube that you can't really mess it up. And you can make ANYTHING! Syd uses it more, and has made the most magical things with it--she recently finished making her Secret Santa in the ballet program an actual avatar of that actual kid in her actual Nutcracker costume, and it was epic--but even Will can follow a tutorial or her own imagination to make dragons and castles and unicorns, and my favorite piece of jewelry is a Sculpey tentacle pendant that I made using this exact tutorial, and I'm not an artist.

Tweens and teens who are very passionate about specific things often spend a lot of time immersed in that one thing, so this is a good way to engage them in a different kind of activity while still allowing them to indulge their obsessions.

Themed Craft Kits


These are along the same lines as the Sculpey, but for folks who need more guidance to create the nerdy artwork of their dreams. We own SO many of these--we've got Disney art kits, Marvel and Star Wars felt stuffie kits, Halloween and Star Wars origami kits, paracord crafting kits to indulge Will's military interests, Sherlock and Doctor Who coloring books, Harry Potter and Tolkien and Dr. Seuss cookbooks...


Whatever your kid is into, there is undoubtedly some fan art craft kit for them somewhere.

Tsuro


This tile-laying game is one of those board games that's easy to learn and impossible to master. The randomness of the draw, as well as the unpredictability of others' moves, means that even a novice can have luck on her side, but there's nevertheless tons of strategy involved, and the design of the game, itself, is gorgeous. Look at that dragon on the front of the box!

Women of NASA LEGO Set



If your girl is into STEM subjects, then she's probably a fan of at least one of these women of NASA. Mae Jemison, in particular, is super inspiring--the girls and I got to hear her speak at our local university a few months ago, and it was amazing!

A lot of this you can apply to whatever your kid is a nerd about. No matter passion, there's pretty likely some fan art of it, a craft book for it, a LEGO kit to build it, books or games themed around it, etc. With a little effort, your little nerd could find herself wearing themed pajamas, eating a homemade cake decorated to her thing, playing with a kit that's related to her theme, with something even nerdy on for background music. That's how you live the dream!