Kauai Day #4: The Ethics of Rum, a Boat Tour of the Na Pali Coast, and How Many Dramamine Did I Take?

Ummm... four, probably. Four-ish. At least four, but definitely no more than five.

This year's overdose of Dramamine was sponsored by a boat trip up the Na Pali Coast. Will, especially, had been eager to see the Na Pali Coast, which you really can only see--especially when the trails through it are closed, as they were when we visited--by air or ocean, and she, especially, was thrilled when the grandparents organized this trip. Syd was hoping to see dolphins and sea turtles. Will was excited about snorkeling off the boat.

But first: rum tasting!

It hadn't occurred to me that my 13- and 14-year-old children would have Opinions about rum, but I don't know why it hadn't, because I'm the one who taught them about rum's importance to the Triangular Trade route that enabled humans to enslave other humans and force them to grow sugarcane.

Would I have gotten the same pushback if I'd taken them to a molasses factory? Probably, sigh...

Anyway, I eventually had to get Matt to back me up about the fact that we don't currently have to boycott rum. I don't think the kids were completely satisfied--I mean, who doesn't love a good boycott?!?--but they did finally let me go to my rum tasting in peace, AND they found me a little stand of sugarcane to look at when I was done:

A little bit of rum and two Dramamines later, and we were all on a boat, headed up the Na Pali Coast:

It didn't take long for Syd's dream to come true!

You can see where waterfalls used to flow:

As well as arches and tunnels and caves, some of which you can enter:

My pictures of this kid are cracking me up--she loved the sightseeing as much as I did!

This is cool: off in the distance, on the left side of the photo, you can see the private island Ni-ihau, 42 miles away. To the right is Lehua, a tiny island that's a bird sanctuary:

The boat trip included time for snorkeling. I had Will bring the magnifying goggles that her grandparents had rented her, and she combined it with the tour's provided snorkeling equipment and was off, as usual, like a shot. This is the only photo that I managed to get of her, the only time she stayed still long enough for me to focus:

Here's Matt:

And here's Syd, who stayed close enough to the boat that I could actually see her, yay!

Can you see the giant fish that she's following?

And more giant fish!

Her grandfather may or may not have been chumming the water with bits of his sandwich, ahem...

Here, on the other hand, is someone who is appalled at the very idea of using bits of her precious sandwich as fish bait. The very idea!

Considering that we were two hours into the trip before I decided that I definitely wasn't going to get seasick, I'm feeling like I stopped at a mere four Dramamine, which is just barely over the maximum amount of Dramamine that a reasonable person should take--I mean, that's just one Dramamine an hour, hardly the most irresponsible thing that I did in June. Still, it was enough to allow me to drowse comfortably all the way back to shore, nodding against Will's shoulder but still awake enough to hear a tourist behind me ask the tour guide operator where a good place to get shave ice would be.

The tour guide had been super personable the entire trip so far, so I was taken aback and woke up a little to hear him flatly reply, "I don't know."

The tourist was probably taken aback a little, as well, because he laughingly said, "What kind of tour guide are you, then?"

And THEN, you guys, the tour guide started in on this whole giant spiel about how sugar is poison and he doesn't eat poison and he refuses to recommend poison to anybody else, especially with the number of obese people now (I opened my eyes just a bit to ascertain that yep, the tourist was for sure going to be offended by that one), and blah blah blah sugar is poison blah blah blah guess how old he is you can't tell can you because he never eats sugar blah blah blah he always speaks his mind blah.

It was BONKERS.

Honestly, all he had to say was The Wishing Well. The correct answer was The Wishing Well. 

It was such an odd exchange that you might think that I had dreamt it, except that later I brought it up to Matt, and HE HEARD IT, TOO!!!

Also, Matt does the BEST impersonation of the tour guide on a sugar is poison rant, and if he really gets into it, he'll add in a whole part about how he only eats a slurry made of fish parts and salt water and gets 18+ hours of shirtless exercise a day, etc.

I have just this second realized what a missed opportunity I had to ask the tour guide his opinions about the ethics of sugarcane production and the rum industry. Dang it!

Kauai Day #1: Kilauea Lighthouse, 'Anini Beach, and a Spectacular Sunset

Kauai Day #2: Shave Ice, Sugarcane Ditches, and Strangers Dispensing Good Advice about Rum

Kauai Day #3: Snorkeling, Swimming, and I am Not a Good Spy

Kauai Day #3: Snorkeling, Swimming, and I am a Terrible Spy

The kids had been VERY patient about not being able to get right into the ocean with all their gear the second we arrived, so this day was dedicated to all things snorkeling and swimming and boogie boarding!

And chickens, because of course.

Would it surprise you very much to learn that before stepping off of the plane onto Kauai, I had a list prepared of the "best" beaches, categorized by location, kid-friendliness, access, and what they're known for. I had them all tagged on a Google Map--



--and bookmarked in both my physical copy of The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook and their app that was kind of pricey but man, I used the snot out of that thing.

It was made a little more complicated because many of the beaches to the west of our resort, on the Na Pali Coast, were closed because of a storm last year that caused extreme flooding and ruined much of the infrastructure of the area. Many of the beaches that we might have visited were off-limits while the communities recovered, but fortunately there were, of course, plenty of beautiful areas left to explore.

Such as Anini Beach! This was a great snorkeling spot, and Syd did snorkel a little, but her favorite thing was to paddle around with her boogie board and the goggles and flippers that came with her snorkel set. This, by the way, was something that Snorkel Bob specifically warned against because it's so easy to loose your goggles that way, so you'll be simply shocked to learn that Syd now owes her grandfather 40 bucks for that exact thing that will happen in a few days. Sigh...

She may, indeed, have gotten her forty bucks' worth on those goggles, though. The kid was barely out of the water during our entire vacation.

Will also snorkeled some, but HER favorite activity is to grub around in the sand:

Matt snorkeled plenty!

These good snorkel spots are made so by coral reefs that protect them from the biggest waves, and Will loved picking up every piece of coral that washed ashore, examining it, and holding it out for approval:

A longing for shave ice is the only thing that eventually drove us away from Anini Beach. We wanted to explore the beaches at Hanelei Bay, and fortunately, it turns out that's where the best shave ice on Kauai lives!

It's also the most expensive shave ice on Kauai, but hey, the organic combos are totally worth a few meals of Pizza Rolls when you're back in Indiana.

This one is the Sunset:

And this is my glorious Caffeine Monkey!

And this is our glorious view while we ate:

Tummies comfy with shave ice, we spent the rest of the afternoon at Waioli Beach Park on Hanalei Bay. This place was made for the kids' boogie boards!

Look at that kid's face. I think she likes her boogie board!

Here's the kind of activity that you probably shouldn't be doing in a pair of expensive goggles rented from Snorkel Bob, sigh...

It's barely even a spoiler alert to tell you that she is for SURE going to lose those goggles in about three days:

But what a lovely view for it!

Will, again, found a favorite spot to grub:

I love catching that look on her face, the smile that she always has when she's hoping that whatever she's doing is mischievous and you'll hate it. Yes, Child, I'm soooooo irritated that you're sitting next to me in paradise, hanging out with me and burying my legs in comfy, warm sand:

Yeah, I think both kids were big fans of this beach:

Back at the resort late that afternoon, everyone all rinsed off and dried and napped out for a bit, I convinced the kids to take another walk with me. We walked around the resort a bit--check out the magical rainbow eucalyptus!--

--but primarily I'd had my eye on a trail marked in my guidebooks, and one that I could see the trailhead for from our balcony: Turtle Cave. The guidebooks claimed it was pretty rugged, but it was the only way down from the cliffs to the ocean, so I just wanted to check it out.

And by check it out, I mean that I sent Syd down it--and I mean DOWN, because the trail was basically a straight climb down from the trailhead, clinging to any roots one could find. Syd traversed it pretty well, but reported that she eventually came to another sheer cliff and so turned around and hauled herself back up to us.

But I still wanted a better view--and, you know, turtles!--so I forced the kids to instead hike along a trail that continued along the top of the cliffs and went onto the property of the next resort over. Other people were occasionally walking along it, and I wanted to see what the view was like from next door!

The verdict? Gorgeous!

At the point where I took this photo, the kids and I were standing on a bluff in the middle of the other resort, next to a sign that warned us that the couple of lovely lounge chairs that were sitting there looking out onto the ocean were ONLY for the residents of Buildings #1-#7.

I mean, dang, resort next door! Do you tell people before they register that if they stay in the wrong building that they won't be allowed to sit in some of the chairs?

So the kids and I are standing there, Syd covered in red dirt, sightseeing/trespassing, when all of a sudden a total strange woman, drink in her hand, totally accosts me! And not just in a "Hey, how are you?" kind of way, but she was totally like, "Did you just get here? What building are you staying in?"

I was all, um, sure, we just got here. When asked what building I was staying in, I sort of pointed, sort of in the direction of other buildings in their resort/some buildings in my actual resort.

Then she asked, "What room number are you?"

?!?!?!?!?

I should have told her that I wasn't comfortable giving out my room number, because I mean who DOES that?!?, but also I was like what is going on, is this old lady the police, does she know that I'm trespassing, oh my gawd me and the kids are going to jail, so I was just, like, "322."

And THEN she said, I kid you not, "322? That doesn't sound right. What building did you say you're in?"

Honestly, if I hadn't had the kids with me I would have just bolted at that point, but instead I did my pointy thing again, and this time the lady was all, "Over there?" and pointed at my actual resort, and I was all, "Hmm, yeah, that one looks right," and she was all, "Oh, that's another resort, that's not this property at all," and I was all, "Oh, hmm, really? How strange that I didn't notice, jet lag, out for a lovely walk, just got here, isn't it lovely?"

I guess the lady didn't care a ton that we were trespassing, but the inquisition continued, and you guys, I COULD NOT ESCAPE. Like, every excuse I tried to make, the conversation just would not end! She wanted to know what I had planned to do, I sort of non-answered, she judged me for not planning anything so then I had to say something so I mentioned the Na Pali Coast boat tour we were doing the next day, she grilled me about what company we were using, I didn't know because the grandparents booked it but I was sure as hell not mentioning anyone else in this conversation so I said I didn't know and she judged me and told me that the tour was going to be terrible because we were departing from the south side of the island and not the north, then she told me a bunch of other things we had to go see, then she asked me what else we were going to do and I was all, "Um, snorkeling?" and THEN SHE TOLD ME THAT HER PARENTS' ASHES ARE IN TURTLE CAVE.

Fun fact: Syd had not wanted to go on this hike into the neighboring resort at all. She'd tired herself out all over again on that Turtle Cave climb, and gotten absolutely covered in red dirt, to boot, so she needed another shower, and the last thing she'd wanted to do was go trespass around. So as we were finally booking it back to our own resort, after the lady finally left us to go refill her drink or something and we escaped, hissing at each other to "walk faster!" and "don't look back!", I remembered that if Syd had had her way, we wouldn't have come at all, and what had instead transpired had been one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I mentioned this to Will, and she, too, could think of instances in which she'd gone against Syd's wishes and sometime later found life, itself, conspiring against her happiness and well-being.

And that's how we discovered that if you cross Syd, she will get fate, itself, to revenge her.

Kauai Day #1: Kilauea Lighthouse, 'Anini Beach, and a Spectacular Sunset
Kauai Day #2: Shave Ice, Sugarcane Ditches, and Strangers Dispensing Good Advice about Rum