The Best Way to Hike

Leave your mother and the trail far, far behind:

Get frightened by a goose, find a beaver dam, collect an unidentified skull, make sure lots of briars get stuck to your pants:

Go to the water:

Ensure that you will absolutely, "accidentally" immerse yourself:

Because if you don't come back so wet and muddy that your mom makes you strip before she lets you into her car--

--are you totally sure that you had enough fun?